If You Cannot Say ‘No’, Your ‘Yes’ Is A Lie
‘No’ has been taken out of our vocabulary, same as ‘Stop’. When ‘No’ is taken out of the realm of your possibilities, so is your true authentic committed adult empowered ‘Yes’.
If you cannot say ‘No’ how can you ever trust your ‘Yes’?
Not being able to say ‘No’ is not just leaving out a word in your vocabulary, it is giving up on having enough respect and dignity for what you want and what you do not want in the moment. Not 1 hour later, 1 day later or a year later. Now. And Now. And Now. In each moment.
Re-discovering this instantaneous experiential clarity of ‘No!’, ‘Yes!’, ‘This!’, ‘That!’, ‘Here!’, ‘There’, ‘Now!’ is an exhilarating experience. I am saying this from experience, my person experience, and of hundreds of people who I have worked with.
‘No’ do not touch me.
‘No’ I am not available for being manipulated by your fear.
‘No’ I do not interact with children pretending to be adult
‘No’ I will not argue with you.
‘No’ I am not dedicating my time, my energy, my attention to this.
‘No’. Simply ‘No’. For no reason. No justifications.
(A recent example of someone who can say ‘No’ for no reason is Jack Reacher in the new Amazon series ‘Reacher’.)
A new relationship to Anger.
How do you do that? What is that force that give you the power to say ‘No’?
That force is your own Conscious Adult Rage.
What if it is that same force that give you the power to say a meaningful ‘Yes?
How can you get it back? That question opens the door to an entire new relationship with yourself, with the world and with your (and everybody else’s) future.
Until we have unleashed our Conscious Anger, most of us walk around wall up, un-vulnerable, un-authentic already protecting ourselves from the possibility of ‘being hurt’. Our ‘Yeses’ probably only emerges out of our Child Ego State being adaptive, doing what people want from us so that we might finally be loved, accepted, belong to someone, anyone.
The Sacrifice of Fake ‘Yeses’
Those ‘Yeses’ are extremely painful. Each one of those ‘Yeses’ is a betrayal of your dignity, your integrity, and your well-being.
‘Yes’ I will have sex with you even if I do not want to. (This is called ‘rape’ by the way)
‘Yes’ I will work hours of my precious life for you at a corporation that is killing life of Planet Earth in exchange for your monopoly money.
‘Yes’ I will enmesh my sexual energy (fawning) with you so as to not feel my fear of living outside the Patriarchy.
‘Yes’ I laugh at your stupid Gremlin jokes stabbing my Being with each chuckle.
Writing this, I can feel my own furious Rage that the ability of ‘Taking Care of Yourself’ no matter what it takes is not taught to young girls and young boys.
Patriarchal culture is not centered on the ability to Take Care of Yourself. Creating the Next Culture does not happen by nodding your head in agreement with Medium articles (no matter how well written or true they are seem — even this one!). In my experience, the starting point of a realistic and measurable change in behavior starts with:
Conscious Rage work. And more Conscious Rage work. And more Conscious Rage work, until you can bathe in the 5-body reality of being able to take care of yourself at any moment for anything.
An example of this possibility being a reality is the sharing from a first time participant to Rage Club:
“I am astonished with the results this work is bringing into my life! I am not the type of person to call things ‘life changing’ even though I’ve done many things that had that potential. But this IS indeed life-changing for me!
I have noticed myself handling all the different angry men in my environment much better than I thought I could!
It gave me great strength to stay in my center by knowing I have a whole ‘rage family’ cheering for me.”
This is Phase 1 of adult work.
We are barely there. There are barely any adult by this definition on Planet Earth.
And Gaia is screaming in Grief.