BEYOND REPAIR — 7 stages of women bridging men to Archiarchy

co-written by Anne-Chloé Destremau and Clinton Callahan

STAGE ZERO: ASSESSING THE CURRENT SITUATION

In the early 21st Century, most human beings are born into a culture best described as ‘Capitalist Patriarchal Empire’. Much of your Being is left unborn because the culture only desires to have your physical body and your mind. This leaves you uneducated in terms of what is possible in feeling, communicating, relating, sensing, connecting, discovery, co-creation, and love.

The following paragraphs are filled with links to websites in the StartOver.xyz cloud of more than six-hundred interlinked websites. The reason for the links is, if you find yourself angry, or scared, or puzzled by any of these ideas, it could signal that you have discovered some kind of ‘X’ on the map for yourself. That could be a place where further clarity and experimentation might prove to be extremely fruitful. The suggested websites are being filled with context-building Distinctions and valuable Experiments to try, extracted from thoughtware of Archiarchy, the regenerative human culture that is rapidly emerging around the world now that Matriarchy and Patriarchy have run their course. Do not be surprised if Emotions arise while reading this article or the linked websites. We suggest not hesitating to write your Emotion and its trigger in the back pages of your Beep! Book, and then doing the associated Emotional Healing Process (EHP) at your earliest convenience.

This co-written article can serve you as a handbook for spiraling upwards into domains of relating that are more refined than options offered by ordinary modern culture. This handbook is written as guidelines and hints for a woman to create Archan Relating.

For the man? There are no guidelines. How can you give instructions for someone to walk into the propeller blades? The directions are simple: if your current relating life sucks enough, then walk into the propeller blades of a woman Holding Space for Radical Relating in the Context of Archiarchy. Then your next incarnation as a man on Earth emerges all by itself. No propeller blades means no new beginning for you.

STAGE ONE: WOMAN TAKES RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SPACE OF RELATING

Woman goes first into Archiarchy. Without knowing where you are going, yet being excruciatingly clear about what you are leaving behind, you Cavitate and inhabit new Space for yourself. Using one of your 3 Powers, you Declare, “I cavitate new space in which Archiarchy thrives.”

You relocate the Point Of Origin of your Context into Archan Relating Space.

You surrender your original strategy of being Adaptive to whatever space men present to you, and declare, “If you want to be around me, I am the one Holding Space. If that does not work for you, then this conversation is over. This is my Space. I cavitated it. I will Navigate it. What exists here in this Space are my Distinctions and my rules of engagement. If we relate at all, it will be on my terms in this Archan relating culture.”

Putting your newly formatted Archan relating Attention on a man immediately confronts him with the qualities of his uninspected Patriarchally contexted relating culture. The only man who might say, “Yes,” to your offer is if he is already on the Path of the evolution of consciousness, whether he knows it or not.

Secretly the Patriarchal man swears to himself, “No way! Then I won’t get to own you. I won’t get to control you, abuse you, play around with your body and your mind. You will not be my sex-and-errand slave-girl. Who can I abuse then? I might have to change. I might have to face my Underworld. You do not get to decide for me. I don’t even know what that is. A girl cannot teach a man to be a man. I am so scared of your proposal that I refuse to understand you. Women don’t know how to Hold Space. That’s a man’s playground.”

STAGE TWO: CONFRONTING YOURSELF AS A PATRIARCHAL WOMAN

Women, what is your Underworld benefit for staying with a Patriarchal man? How much are you attacking / criticizing / betraying / belittling / badgering / insulting the man to trigger his stupid aggressivity for the sake of entertaining your own Gremlin?

How clearly and extensively can you answer these questions?

The moment you say, “I hold space for Archan Relating,” you immediately confront your own unconscious commitments to Patriarchy. You become aware of your brutal doubts about your ability to cavitate, hold, and navigate space. You doubt your Clarity about what you truly want. You even doubt your clarity about your clarity.

An avalanche of your old Thoughtware screams, “No man will ever want to be with me if I am clear and powerful. I will be alone. Everyone will think I am a bitch. People will say I am hysterical or crazy. They will kill me, like they did before.”

Then your Box undermines your courage. You Box says, “If I cannot catch my Gremlin or be Adult at all times, who am I to demand that the man grows up? I am being unfair. I have no right to be so challenging. Only if I am perfect can I make such a demand. I must go work on being perfect myself.”

Then your Gremlin complains, “If I am Radically Responsible and doing radical relating, who do I get to do Low Drama with? Eh? Who will I get to hate? I will starve to death! If I am the one holding space, then I can’t be a victim anymore. I can’t Manipulate. I can’t complain or blame. I can’t control. I can’t take revenge. I lose my possibility for creating my favorite Feeding Frenzies with men.”

Suddenly you are faced with having to clean this gigantic mess up within yourself.

The insanely frightening thoughts rage on. “Who is going to understand what I am doing? Who is going to help me go to this next level? Other women? Which other women are actively engaged or will join me in this journey? My addiction to adrenaline craves the lack of trust.”

This is a good time to fully participate in online or offline Rage Club to reclaim your Voice, your Conscious Feelings, your Center, your Boundaries, and What You Really Want. This is the time to connect with your evolutionary sisters.

Even if you understand that you need not be ‘perfect’ before any man will dare liking you, it looks like a long and lonely endeavor.

And an uncomfortable one. The first place you show up in the Learning Spiral is ‘Unconscious Incompetence’. You don’t even know what you don’t know, and you don’t know that you don’t know it.

Confronting the Patriarchy woven in your cells starts with Taking A Stand that Archan relating is Possible, and Committing to your own evolutionary Path.

You may think, “Inside of me I experience a mass of tangled Voices, crossed motivations, Hidden Competing Commitments, and mixed Purposes. All of it will come to the surface if I hold space for a new relating culture. But this is Archiarchal woman’s work.”

Here is where the Feedback and Coaching from other Archiarchal Women becomes precious beyond measure. At this point, there is no kind of feedback from men that can have any value at all. None.

Even the Handsome Holy Tribal Men remain stuck in the Patriarchal context so deeply that all they can do is desperately try to stay ‘safe’, try to control their mother, try to seduce their teacher, try to destroy any opportunity to enter new territory where they are no longer recognized as the dominant power-deserving darlings. Their uninitiated little-boy adolescent egos secretly writhe in terror, willing to destroy anything rather than to shift into the unknowns of Archiarchy and start over.

Watch yourself! A recriminating Patriarchal female reacts convulsively with vicious side-kicks to the man’s head. Women, catch each other in the act and immediately put your Weapons On The Table. Otherwise, the chance of tracking your thoughts / feelings / words / actions back to their source will pass unnoticed, and then you stay trapped in Patriarchal thought-patterns and interaction-grooves.

How can you lower your Numbness Bar to better detect that vengeful recriminating payback part of yourself? Your new perceptions require a complete shift of context away from Gremlin-feeding ordinary Patriarchy into extraordinary and Archetypal levels of awareness and creation in Archiarchy. This shift depends on you completely re-initializing your Purpose of Relating.

Deep in you rests your original Patriarchal programming. “If I don’t have a man, I don’t have value. If I don’t raise a family, I don’t have value. I need a man to protect me. I need a man to make the money, fix things, and provide me with entertainment, clothes, food and vacations.” The Patriarchal woman puts her attention on men’s expectations, on her own worries, her imperfections, her inner wars with other women, on finding what is not good enough, on being a victim, on getting revenge. Is that all there is?

Many women have already given up. You may have decided, “I am done playing the ragdoll sex-servant battle-star galactica war games with men. There is no point in trying to relate with a man anymore. It is over. I am a ‘neutral being’.” This approach destroys relating altogether. Relating becomes no longer possible. It does not even exist.

Instead you can try a new approach, a new goal, a new commitment, something like, “I am going to wake up about my own Patriarchy. I am going to wake up about how I am playing small, how I am playing victim, how I am suppressing myself, my voice, my needs, my feelings, my own ideas and proposals for creating an alternative future. This starts with opening my inner eyes and waking up about what I am creating even in small and subtle or even silent ways.” It starts with realizing, “God, I am so disgusted with my Survival Strategy Gameplan! I am over it! I start over now, showing up in a completely revolutionary way. I don’t care about any uncomfortable consequences. Those lies are over for me.”

This is your Thelma and Luis moment.

But instead of driving full speed for the cliff, you turn around and face the crowd of hysterical men head on — speaking unwaveringly, clear as a razor blade — about what is REALLY going on, and how things will go from here on out. You are certain about what is not happening anymore. You are moment-to-moment creating what happens instead. You are fully present, fully on, and fully at risk through holding space.

STAGE THREE: HIS FEAR OF EXPECTATIONS

When you claim Radically Responsible ownership of the space of Relating and put your Archan attention on the man, you trigger an avalanche of fear in him. He assumes that you will pressure him to be different through your Assumptions and Expectations. His reflexive defense is to create for himself a ‘secret life’. He withdraws into a cloud of his own lies.

If you actually do apply an Assumption or Expectation on the man, these reveal remnants of your decades-old Patriarchal Survival Strategy still shaping a part of your Being. Such Assumptions and Expectations can be transformed by following them back down to their place of origin using Emotional Healing Processes (EHP). You might surprisingly catch a number of Assumptions and Expectations which do not even come from you. You have copied your Mother’s thoughtware about relating, Hollywood’s propaganda or your first comicbook’s couple. Each EHP you do will redesign a bit of your inner world and thereby reshape your Being, allowing it to call forth a different value than mere survival.

We suggest doing every EHP you can discover. Our experience reveals that doing EHPs helps you to differentiate between your emotional Expectations and your present-moment Demands.

You can easily discern this difference because an Expectation emerges from Emotions that last longer than three minutes, and a Demand is powered by your present-time Small NOW Sword Of Clarity you use to hold the Archan context of your relating space.

Your Archiarchal relating context is the non-negotiable leverage point for starting over. If your Relating Space Context becomes debatable, you will be instantly sucked back into Patriarchal Gremlin games again.

It is a boring Gremlin trick to attack the Context rather than to question one’s own familiar Survival tactics, developed to work in the Patriarchal context. Of course the man’s Patriarchal survival strategies no longer work in Archiarchy! Archiarchy is not about surviving. Archiarchy is fueled by unfolding potentials, evolution of consciousness, healing, discovery and thriving instead of merely surviving.

Your Sword Of Clarity easily differentiates between Holding Context and having Expectations. Catch yourself EVERY time you make an Assumption, and withdraw it immediately from the Space.

In particular, if the man makes a promise to you, you cannot assume that he will keep his promise. That would be naïve. You can notice whether he keeps his promise or not, and with what degree of Integrity, and then mirror that back to him. But you cannot assume he will keep his promises. EVERY assumption you make is a set up for your own Gremlin to sooner or later take Revenge. Then you are back in the Patriarchal Gremlin world.

The man will reflexively project his mother onto you. His mother focused Expectations on him to be a ‘good boy’, do his chores, help around the house, go to school, finish his homework, be nice to his brothers and sisters, and so on. The uninitiated man hides behind an entire survival strategy of lying, hiding, pretending and cheating, while putting on the show of, “I am a good person. I am a good sex partner. I am a good employee. I am a good father…” The show goes so far as claiming to be on the Path: “I am a good Coach. I am a good Trainer. I am a good Healer.” The show is fake. It is to cover up his whole inner world of hiding and lying and cheating, pretending to be ‘a good man’ along with all the other ‘good men’ in the Patriarchy.

Your offer at this stage is, “If you want to be with me, you will need to change your purpose in relating with me from lying to being caught. It is only through being caught that you can be who you truly are with me. As you are caught, you reveal what is really going on with you. Otherwise you continue your secret life of deception, pretending, lying. I am not at all interested in that.”

Warning! It is not your job to catch his Gremlin. Your irrevocable offer is for the man to keep removing layers of lying so that both his Gremlin and his Being can show up. You say, “It is possible to shift from using your Gremlin to lie, to using your Gremlin to catch itself just before it is about to lie. In that moment before lying, you gain the option of revealing what is really going on for you, what you are feeling and thinking. There we can start being intimate in reality.”

This is revolutionary.

His authentic feelings and thoughts are NOT about revealing his Gremlin Survival Strategy, and NOT about his Emotional Fears of his mother’s expectations. Do not make your Relating Space about asking questions to analyze his Gremlin Survival Strategies and Emotional Fears. You are not his therapist. That would only be your Rescuer-Low-Drama-Hungry Gremlin gathering ammunition for Revenge. There is an entire Universe for you to inhabit where your Beings blossom previous to defensiveness. It might take months, maybe years before a man can instinctively share his true thoughts and feelings intimately with you.

Especially ‘new age’ men may build an additional layer on top of their core survival strategy as a way to ‘manage’ their survival strategy without taking it apart or escaping it. Then they can ‘look good’ but remain unchanged at the core. This complex ‘Buffer Zone’ insulates them even further from the possibility of Presence and Authentic intimacy.

You may have the same thing going on inside of you, creating intense confusion and disempowerment. Peeling away these added layers — some of which can be quite sophisticated — requires you developing a love for and skilled use of your Compass Of Reality — a Possibility Management Tool — which is most successfully learned in a Team dedicated to helping you identify and untangle the mess you made. Life can be easy when it is simple.

STAGE FOUR: GREMLIN MEETS LIQUID STATES BEYOND REPAIR

In the beginning of this stage, most of what a man can manifest is Gremlin, meaning, betrayal, hiding, superiority, being right, making wrong, deception, punishment, secrecy, retribution, revenge, etc. You need to have radical clarity that the man is terrified, and that this is the best he can do at the beginning. You also hold absolute certainty that no matter what he claims, the man is not a Victim, and you are neither a Rescuer nor a Persecutor. The roles have not switched around from the Patriarchal roles of the woman being the Victim. Instead, the roles have completely vaporized under the force of Clarity.

You NEVER put away your Presence or your Sword Of Clarity. Your Sword is ALWAYS at the man’s throat. If he comes at you, he kills himself on your Sword. Not your problem. Every time Gremlin shows up, you identify it together and publicly. Transformation happens in public, not as a secret side show.

You learn to instantly detect any Gremlin behavior by becoming more and more sensitive to your own Gremlin. Your Sword has two sides. One side faces your own neck and the other faces your partner’s.

Your only conversation is, “Your Gremlin attack will not unlock the door to Relating with me. Your Gremlin Strategy simply does not happen here. You use your Gremlin as your primary Survival Strategy. It looks like you are terrified. Nonetheless, the requirement in this Space is that EVERY TIME your Gremlin shit comes up, you handle it. You go to your 3 Cell, your Possibility Team, your EHP Dojo, your Gremlin Transformation Coach. You put your Gremlin shit on the table with them — as ugly as it really is — and you handle it.”

Wherever the man goes to get support with his growing-up processes (clearly not with you), the processes need to be in a mixed group of men and women. No ‘Men’s Group’ is Radically Honest enough to transform this level of Gremlin shit. Uninitiated men are scared to their wits end and will unconsciously cover for each other, telling each other, “This is far enough. I am thinking about practicing. You too? I am taking a look at it…” All of this is ‘Gremlin speak.’ It is insufficient. The man has to actually do something different, something else. Practicing over and over actual behavior change builds Matrix for growing a Being. Genuine Gremlin Transformation is required. The woman stays on the side of the Liquid States that are beyond repair.

The Path of men leaving Patriarchy and entering Archiarchy is absolute Practice, complete 5-Body Liquid States. The Survival Strategy crashes into the wall of reality so seriously that ‘all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can never put Humpty Dumpty together again’.

It is death and composting for the weak desperate handicapped miserable Patriarchal survival strategy. Every last male Identity dissolves. It is breaking the secret deal you made with your father and your grandfather to carry on their traditions. It is changing your decision to survive as a lone wolf single fighter. It is exiting the Fantasy World that modern culture — with it megacities and nano-technologies — is the best thing humanity has ever invented. It is entering a Liquid State that is beyond repair.

If a man makes any move towards repair, it only barricades him further into the Patriarchy, piling paper mâché on top of their Being to further bury their inner Patriarchal hell-worlds. For something real to happen, a man can fill his own ‘hollow man’ up with new-distinction dynamite and blow it up entirely.

Most so-called ‘Men’s Work’ is about men trying to be okay with adopting the ‘Lying, Pretending, Cheating, Sneaking Code Of Dishonor’ required of them to live with the other ‘men’ in the Capitalist Patriarchal Empire. To remove the pressure to become aware of the horrific consequences of their Patriarchal and often Psychopathic choices and actions, men gather in circles trying to validate the Patriarchy, trying to be cool, trying to be ‘king of the world’, blind to seeing it is just their Gremlin. If a man repairs his ‘wounded child’, then the best he becomes is a child.

Patriarchal men’s Beings remain unsprouted in a small protective seed pod that gets harder and drier over time. As the years pass, the seed pod crystallizes and petrifies, becoming almost impossible to escape.

The Path for a man to exit the Patriarchy is Liquid States beyond repair.

After three, four, or five years of Liquid States beyond repair, it is possible that a little seed of the man’s Being could start to sprout in a different Context. If you impeccably hold the context of the Space in which the man lives, it could be that the seed of the man’s Being could begin to unfold into the Context of Archiarchy.

This double-wrapped condition can also be true for men who call themselves ‘Coaches’, or ‘Trainers’, or ‘Possibilitators’. Without becoming destroyed beyond repair, the Patriarchalness carried in them since birth secretly and conceitedly prevails on every level, whether they are aware of it or not.

It is part of the woman’s work to not be naïve about the show. I have seen so many men who seem to be able to create Healing, Possibility or Transformation for people in a training space, but their personal life is shit. ‘Being a Trainer’ has become part of their show. They think, “See, I can be a good Trainer… a good Coach…”

You say, “Yes, and, if you are not powerfully relating with and empowering and invoking a woman at your side, you are merely fooling yourself. What do you think you are doing? Who do you think you are deceiving? It is time to forget your strategy. That is just part of your lie. I am not dazzled by whatever grandiose Training you think you are delivering.”

The ‘Good King’ legend lives in our bones. We long to serve a ‘Good King’. Many of us would die to serve a truly Good King. But where is one? They do not exist on Earth. The image is palpable in films and imaginary legends. The longing for this is intense enough to deceive ourselves into joining a sect, a cult, or a Fantasy World. A few years of your life may go by before you crash your disrespectful dishonorable self-deception.

Woman’s work is Sword Work. You become the immovable Stand that says, “Every time your Gremlin behavior comes up, you transform it. Whatever it takes, you transform it. If you say, ‘I will transform it,’ and you do not in reality transform it, the third time you lie to me, this conversation is over. I will open only three Doorways for you. If you do not go through any of these three Doorways, this conversation is over.”

Part of your work in this process of exiting the Patriarchy is to absolutely Notice your own provocations. When, how, and especially why do you provoke the Swamp to take over your Relating Space?

It is part of your work to vigilantly detect, “How do I promote ‘Pig Making’ instead of ‘King Making’?” If you are not Radically Self-Honest about EVERY occurrence, then valuable efforts on both the men’s side and your own side are lost.

Deep down, you need to establish the Possibility that the man can Radically Rely on you in this Process, because the man starts off and will remain completely lost, unable to navigate how it should go. The woman must radically refrain from Revenging all the betrayal and Abuse she has received at the hands of idiot evil ignorant numb Patriarchal men. If the woman cannot become absolutely impeccable in her stand to hold space for this evolutionary healing process of man and woman relating, if you cannot also simultaneously start over in the Archiarchal Context, then your broken promise is as evil as the man’s.

If you deceive — even in the most subtle way — then the man gets permission to lie, and all is lost. Each of you starts accusing, “That’s your Gremlin!” and the mindless Gremlin wars recommence.

Impeccability is not perfection. Impeccability includes fallibility as long as you sincerely apologize for any ‘Pig Making’ provocation and go through your own Emotional Healing Process so that your behavior never happens again.

You do your own impeccability work to create legitimacy for your demand that the man does his own impeccability work. This builds a foundation for encountering the Archetypal Domains together.

STAGE FIVE: THE FEAR OF NOT KNOWING

You are exiting Patriarchy with a man who is going through Gremlin Transformation and wants to be caught so that his Being has a chance of peeping out to experience Presence and authentic intimacy in a Being to Being connection with you. Each success is wonderful.

But after each stage closer to Presence, men’s next fear immediately erupts in him. At this stage he says, “Now that I am a little bit more myself, I see that I do not know how to do this. I don’t know you. I can no longer control you or possess you. I am afraid of not knowing how to be with you.”

The entire orientation for men in the Patriarchy is to ‘know how’ to do things, to ‘know’, to ‘have the answer’, to give solutions for fixing problems, to control the outcome of things. And in the area of ‘Relating Without A Plan’, the man will have nothing to offer.

He admits, “I do not know how to be myself when you are being yourself.”

It terrifies an uninitiated man to the core that he is not in charge through his dominant ‘knowing’. This orientation and value system dedicated to ‘knowing’ kills the feminine. The woman’s innate Doorway to Archetypal Love locks down. Patriarchal habits take over, automatically clamping down the wild, unpredictable, uncontrollable feminine abundance. The man does not know how to be with the unleashed Woman. He cannot use ‘men’s culture’ on the woman and he does not know any other kind of culture. He does not know how to ‘not know’.

Relating abilities are so natural to the feminine — not in the Patriarchal view that the feminine should be ‘nice’, ‘forgiving’, ‘nurturing’, ‘all embracing’, ‘understanding’ — but when a woman finally stands in a culture that liberates her qualities, being in the ‘not knowing’ and navigating relating has the easefulness of breathing. You have, over the years, covered up your Archan Relating knacks with layers of defense driven by the need for protection and survival. The more that the feminine can come to life through you, the more natural it becomes for you to unleash your competence in ‘Being With’ with another person.

This is when the woman continues Holding Space for the man and discovers the magic of Archan Relating skills. The ‘isness’ of the minutiae of Reality become elements and tools for interactions without seduction or manipulating with sexual energy. At the same time, if you are not radically disciplined with your own Gremlin it is not safe for the man to move his Gremlin to his side.

Instead, you apply your own Gremlin’s awareness of subtleties and Nonlinear Possibilities to creating new Experiments for 5-Body relating during Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Energetic, and Archetypal intimacies.

You say, “I will teach you Magic. I have Magic. I have Magical relating skills, and you do not. But don’t worry. In this Relating Space, you do not have to regard yourself as being incompetent. You do not have to try to be relational. Instead, you go back to being Nothing. I will teach you what to say, in which tone of voice to say it, and the timing of when to say it. I will give you examples of what questions to ask, how much is too much, how much is too little, energetically, emotionally, in all dimensions, not just in speaking, but also in speaking. This way, you can learn to do extraordinary and Archetypal relating Magic with me. Moment to moment, we can Navigate the Unknown, naked without a plan.”

You will not be able to do magic with the man at first. He needs to learn awareness and expression manners. He needs to be ‘house broken’ to not shit in the Garden of Woman.

He needs to learn that you cannot be the man, but that if he follows your indications, he can expand into new territories. At the same time, you can learn to do something that is frustrating while at the same time you are doing something else. What you are doing need not be related to what you are being. That is when the magic starts.

Endless new skills can be learned and practiced intimately. New ways of being together include “Waiting is…”, the skill of being a vacuum in time, waiting for the right time to arrive, because the timing of women is very different from the timing of men. When a woman tries to rush, she is abusing herself. You are learning to withhold nothing, and adapt to nothing. A man matching a woman’s timing is a magical discipline. It is all foreplay. If you do not notice that it is all foreplay, you cannot enhance the foreplay, and you cannot enjoy it. ‘There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.’ Each space is creative collaboration, conscious nonlinear actions of extraordinary theater.

STAGE SIX: THE FEAR OF BEING NOBODY

Thus you enter Free And Natural Adulthood Relating. Two people, Centered, Grounded, Bubbled, conscious emotions, conscious feelings… the foundation of extraordinary relating as Adults on the Path in Archiarchy.

The man, of course, starts again with fear, and being angry about whatever is scaring them. He says, “I don’t know how to be nobody. I am afraid of being annihilated in Love.”

It is a whole next level of working with fear, the fear of not being somebody. You have been going along this extraordinary journey together, through the fear of expectations, the fear of not knowing, and now the fear of being nobody.

The fear of becoming nobody reveals the last remnants of Patriarchal Thoughtware for men. It is the fear of abandoning ‘being somebody’ when trying to ‘be somebody’ was the foundational goal of the Patriarchal man, and also the twisted adopted goal of Patriarchal women trying to become ‘a better man than the men’ in the Patriarchal hierarchy.

Exiting the Patriarchy and entering Archan Relating depends on you being totally and completely Unhookable. One common hook for women is, “Aw, he’s trying. He is doing a little bit. I should be patient with him…” because in that moment, your Sword goes down, and you are hooked by his Gremlin. Having endless inconclusive conversations that drag on late into the night is both of your Gremlins conspiring to use up energy and attention so that you are tired and less able to continue with transformational practices the next day. Very clever, Mr. Gremlin… but, “No!”

This question remains: Is it easier for women to be Unhookable than for men? Women have so many identities because, Archetypally, women are Everything. Then if something Hooks into one of your Identities, you can move on to the next identity and then you are no longer hooked!

Or, is it easier for the men not to be hooked because Archetypally, men are Nothing. There is nothing in there for the hook to grab onto.

If you keep researching, it seems like it would be easier for the men to stay Unhookable simply because women have so many places to be hooked, so many identities, so many touchpoints, all of which are sensitive.

But it turns out that it is a lot easier for a woman to be Everything than it is for a man to be Nothing, because the Patriarchy promotes men as ‘something special’. It is such a huge sacrifice for a man to not be somebody, not be cool, not be successful, not be a good father, not be a good husband, while not reverting to being Gremlin. It is quite impossible for an uninitiated man to not be somebody, and not become his Gremlin.

Practicing Possibilitator Skills builds the kind of Matrix required for being initiated. Skills you may never have been aware of become central elements of your Radical Relating. Some of these new skills include Minimizing NOW, Improvising, Invention, Creation, Speaking From The Unknown, Pulling The Rug Out from under yourself, and Memetically Engineering your Core Memetic Construct.

Then Decontaminating your Adult Egostate from your Child Egostate, your Parent Egostate, your Gremlin Egostate, and your Demon Egostates becomes your central occupation.

Becoming absurdly effective with using your Compass Of Reality becomes paramount.

This is the way that relating itself exits the Patriarchy.

The woman goes first.

How do you drop Expectations and Control while you have fear of the man’s Gremlin? You can internally reorganize yourself to become 10% masculine and 90% feminine.

At the same time, you Hold Space for the man to reorganize himself to be 90% feminine and 10% masculine.

The problem is that it will be more difficult for the woman to become 10% masculine than it will be for the man to become 90% feminine.

Why is this? Because becoming 10% masculine means answering ‘yes or no questions’ with a simple, “Yes,” or “No.” It requires you to say exactly what you want and do not want. It requires you to orient around your Decontaminated Adult Egostate ‘small here’, ‘small NOW’, and ‘small I’ Sword Of Clarity rather than around your Archetypal Cloud Of Everythingness. It emerges from you using Point Attention rather Field Attention. It requires you to experience yourself as nothing more than a Sword Of Clarity and a Bullshit Detector… at least now and then, and for a little while.

STAGE SEVEN: DISCOVERING THE DOORWAY TO ARCHETYPAL RELATING

The previous six Stages may involve a decade or two of learning, discovery, and practice. Every new element of Matrix that you build and awareness that you gain combines with your already existing Matrix and awareness in a multitude of elegant Experiments to explore together.

Gremlin and your Survival Strategies never go away, but now they stand out like familiar stones on the Path which you can easily step around, or which you can use as a wealth of alchemical ingredients while Radically Relating. You stabilize in Initiated Adulthood, each person with their big Being and big Gremlin to responsibly play with.

Then suddenly a new horizon appears. It is the Doorway to the Archetypal Domains.

Trying to go Archetypal before you navigate the previous six Stages would be like trying to do ballet or make high dives before you can walk… naïve, egotistical, and doomed to fail. Nonetheless, it can be valuable to know that the Possibility of relating in the Archetypal Domains exists. The realization orients you in your Experimenting and keeps you from arrogantly assuming you have already discovered everything there is.

Suddenly you are back to zero. It is time to start over where you are: Unconscious Incompetence at a whole new level in the Learning Spiral.

Relating in the Mage domains feeds more than just you. You begin to care about reciprocal feeding between your Bright Principles, your Archetypal Lineage, and Archetypal Love itself. Together you can bring your Archetypal Lineages to life through relating.